The Child’s Bill of Rights: What Kids Need When Parents Divorce

Divorce or separation is hard on everyone. While parents often handle the logistics and emotions out in the open, kids are going through their own quiet struggles. The tricky part is—they usually don’t get a say in what’s happening, even though it affects every part of their world.

That’s why the Child’s Bill of Rights, created by Robert Emery, Ph.D., can be such a helpful guide.

It’s not a legal document, but rather a thoughtful framework to remind us of what kids need most during family changes. Every family is different, but these basic emotional rights are important for protecting your child’s well-being and helping them feel safe, heard, and supported—no matter what’s happening around them.

The Child’s Bill of Rights (A Quick Breakdown)

Kids deserve the right to:

1. Love and be loved by both parents—without guilt.
   They shouldn’t feel like they have to choose sides or manage a parent's feelings of rejection.

2. Be kept out of adult conflict.
   That includes arguments, legal talk, financial disputes, and anything involving lawyers or custody battles.

3. Not be messengers or spies.
   “Tell your mom…” or “What does your dad say about me?”—nope. Kids aren't middlemen.

4. Express their feelings—even the uncomfortable ones.
   Anger, sadness, confusion, guilt, even relief—whatever it is, it deserves a place without judgment.

5. Have consistent contact with both parents (when safe and appropriate).
   Kids benefit from a relationship with both parents if those relationships are emotionally and physically safe.

6. Not have their loyalty tested.
   No pressure to "take sides" or feel responsible for a parent’s well-being.

7. Maintain routines and structure.
   Predictability helps kids feel secure, even when things are shifting around them.

8. Be treated as kids—not therapists, not confidants, not emotional support animals.
   Let them be children. Their job is to grow, not to manage your grief.

9. Get answers to their questions in a developmentally appropriate way.
   Honesty matters. So does protecting them from information they aren’t ready for.

10. Have a safe space to talk to someone neutral.
    Sometimes that’s a therapist, counselor, or other trusted adult who isn’t caught up in the emotional whirlwind.

Why It Matters

When kids don’t have these rights respected, they often end up carrying invisible burdens. They become peacekeepers, people-pleasers, or emotional regulators for the adults around them—a dynamic called triangulation. While these roles might seem to ease tension in the short term, they usually lead to struggles later, like anxiety, depression, confusion about identity, difficulty setting boundaries, or deep guilt.

When adults can’t or don’t communicate directly and openly with each other, kids quickly learn to figure out how to work the system on their own. This often means they bend the truth or act in ways just to get their needs met because they feel stuck between conflicting sides and don’t have clear, honest channels to express themselves.

Respecting a child’s emotional rights during a divorce isn’t about perfect co-parenting. It’s about understanding that, even if the marriage didn’t work out, both parents still share the responsibility to protect their child’s emotional safety. That responsibility remains, no matter what.

If You’re in the Middle of This

If you’re navigating a divorce or separation right now and this feels overwhelming or uncomfortable, that’s completely normal. This isn’t about blame or shame—parenting through pain is messy and imperfect. What matters most is noticing where things can shift and being willing to make repairs where needed.

You don’t have to get it right all the time. You just need to stay curious, watch how your child is doing, and keep showing up. Genuine apologies and course corrections mean a lot to kids.

A Way Forward

Kids don’t need perfection. They need protection—from emotional crossfire, from adult responsibilities that aren’t theirs, and from the pressure to fix everyone else’s feelings.

The Child’s Bill of Rights is more than a list—it’s a shift in mindset. It says: “Your feelings matter. Your experience matters. And we’re committed to helping you get through this with as much emotional safety as possible.”

The goal isn’t to make divorce easy—but to make it survivable, with the emotional support kids need to keep growing, even amid change.