Things I Wish My Clients Knew
1. You can’t get an “A” in therapy
Yup. Therapy isn’t about doing everything right or having it all figured out. Healing isn’t a straight line, and there aren’t boxes to check off. It’s messy and complicated, and it’s totally okay to make mistakes, feel lost, or take your time. Sometimes it will feel like nothing is happening, and that’s ok. Progress is funny like that. Just keep moving forward. You’re doing great.
2. I care about the details (and I’ll remember them)
Your family’s names, your exes, your aunt’s cat with the wonky eye and snaggle tooth that freaks you out. I’ll remember it all, and it’s important to me! I may surprise you with how much I remember sometimes, but it’s important for you to know that I care and I’m truly listening. (It’s totally worth not remembering anything essential in my personal life due to lack of brain space.)
3. You’re not a burden
I can handle your story, messy parts and all. You won’t overwhelm me or push me away. I’m here to listen to whatever you’ve got, no matter how tough or heavy it might seem. You’re not too much, and you’re definitely not a burden. I’m here for all of it no matter what.
4. It’s ok to be angry with me
Therapy brings up lots of emotions, and sometimes you’re going to get pissed off at me. It usually happens when I’m challenging you or pointing out some hard truths, and that’s actually good because that’s where the real progress happens. We might disagree and that’s totally normal. I’m a human too, after all.
5. I’m going to make mistakes
We’re both humans, and therapy is messy. At some point, I’m probably going to say something that doesn’t quite land, or miss something important in our conversation. If I screw up, I want you to tell me. I’m going to make mistakes, but I’m not going to dislike you or drop you as a client because you called me out on something or told me when I hurt your feelings. I’m here to listen, learn, and grow just like you are. The goal is to keep showing up, messing up, and trying again (we call that rupture and repair).
6. You can’t bypass the pain
I know, sorry. I get that you really want to feel better, but you can’t skip the tough stuff. Grief, anger, and hurt are all part of the process. You can’t rush it, but you can get through it. I know how it feels because I’ve had to do it too. And it SUCKS. I wish there were some magical way to fix it, but there’s not. The only way to get rid of the bad feelings are to move through them.
7. There’s no such thing as TMI in therapy
Whatever you’re holding back because it feels too messy, too weird, too dark, or too much, it’s not. Therapy is one of the few spaces where you don’t have to censor yourself. I want the unfiltered version of your experience. You’re allowed to say the thing, name the thing, feel the thing. No judgment, no shame, no need to protect me from your truth. This space is for all of you.
8. I love when you cuss in session
Let me reiterate that I LOVE it. It means you’re comfortable, and I live for that shit. Selfishly, it also gives me the free pass to cuss as much as I want. Therapy doesn’t have to be all zen and calm. Sometimes, we need to throw out a good “this is fucked up” to make sense of it all.
9. I’m also mad about the things that happened to you
I love my job, and I love helping people heal. But when I sit with you in your pain, it breaks my heart, and it makes me furious for you. There is no unknowing what you know or turning back the clock to avoid your negative experiences. I can’t undo your past, but I will stand with you in your anger. I’m right there with you feeling that rage and wishing there was some easy fix.
10. I’m impatient too
I wish I could tell you that you’re never going to have another panic attack or flashback. I wish you could immediately say no without feeling guilty, but healing is slow and frustrating. Not because you’re not doing enough, not because you’re not good enough, and not because you’re not making the most out of your therapy, but because it took a long time for your brain to get this way, so it takes a long time for your brain to heal. Growth is all about learning and unlearning, and unlearning just seems to take for fucking ever.
